Being a Defence partner means constantly adjusting – to new locations, new routines, and long stretches of time where you’re handling everything.
It’s easy to let self-care slip when you’re in survival mode.
But self-care for Defence partners isn’t just about relaxing – it’s about doing what helps you feel human when life is pulling you in every direction.
And while the usual advice of “get enough sleep” and “make time for yourself” is valid, let’s be real, sometimes you need a little more than that. So here are some realistic and practical self-care ideas for when you’re juggling all’o’the things in Defence life.
1. Use That Deployment Fuel Money for Something That Supports You
When your partner is away, there’s likely less driving because they’re not here, so take that money you would’ve spent on fuel and put it toward you. Get a cleaner for a deep clean, book a massage, order takeaway when you don’t have the energy to cook, or buy yourself something that makes life easier. You deserve to feel supported too.
2. Binge-Watch Something Completely Indulgent
When your partner is home, you might compromise on TV shows. But when they’re away? Time to queue up all the reality shows, crime docos, rom-coms, or comfort series that make you happy.
Zero judgment here, just full permission to enjoy something guilt-free.
3. Rearrange the House (Or Make It Yours Again)
If there’s something about your space that’s been bugging you – now’s the time to fix it. Shift the furniture, create a cosy reading corner, change the doona cover. Heck, make a semi-permanent blanket fort if it’s what blows your hair back!
Small changes can make your home feel fresh, organised, and yours again.
4. Upgrade Your Sleep Setup
Sleep is already a challenge in Defence life, so why not make it better? Get softer sheets, a weighted blanket, blackout curtains, or a new pillow. Sleep isn’t just about quantity, it’s about quality, and a little upgrade can make a big difference.
5. Make the Most of Doing Things Your Way
When your partner is home, routines naturally shift. But when they’re away, you get full control, so lean into it.
Eat dinner on the couch, have breakfast for dinner, leave the laundry for a day (or three), and run your home in a way that works just for you.
6. Romanticise the Little Things
Self-care isn’t always about grand gestures, it’s about making the small things feel special.
Use the fancy tea, wear the nice PJs, light the good candle, or have a solo dinner with a glass of wine and your favourite playlist.
7. Take a Social Media Break (Or Curate It Better)
Sometimes, self-care means stepping away from constant updates. If seeing perfectly curated family moments or endless Defence-related posts makes you feel worse, take a break, or at least mute what doesn’t serve you.
8. Find Ways to Make Life Easier (Not Just “Better”)
Self-care isn’t just about luxury, it’s about making things less exhausting.
Order groceries online, set up meal kits, automate bills, or prep future-you with easy freezer meals.
Small changes = less stress.
9. Connect with People Who Get It
Other Defence partners understand in a way that civilian friends sometimes can’t. Whether it’s a local catch-up, an online group, or just a chat with someone who knows what a “posting cycle” actually means, having that connection can be a game-changer.
10. Say No Without Guilt
Not every social event, favour, or expectation needs a yes. Self-care is protecting your energy, even if it means disappointing others.
If it drains you? Skip it.
If it fills your cup? Prioritise it.
11. Give Yourself Something to Look Forward To
Planning something – even something small – can make a tough stretch feel easier. A weekend getaway, a dinner out, a day trip, or even just booking a hair appointment can give you a little light at the end of the tunnel.
You Deserve Care, Too
Defence life asks a lot of you, but that doesn’t mean you have to run on empty.
Self-care isn’t a reward for getting through – it’s what helps you get through.
Find the things that make life feel easier, softer, and more enjoyable, and lean into them. Because you deserve it.
And if you need some gentle reminders on what/how to give back to you? Check out our monthly Photo A Day self-care prompts. These #selfcaresnapshots are a simple tool to help us come back to ourselves, and not get lost in the chaos that is #DefenceLife.