When my husband decided to enlist in the Australian Defence Force, I had no idea what was coming. We had been through his career as a police officer, and I thought I knew what it meant to serve. But the truth is, military life? It’s a whole different ball game.
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re in the same boat – or about to be. So let’s talk about what you can expect when your partner enlists, and more importantly, how to navigate this new chapter with a little more ease. Because trust me, it can be overwhelming, but it’s also possible to thrive in this lifestyle.
1. Training Isn’t Just Hard on Them – it’s Tough on You, Too
The first big hurdle? Training. When your partner is away for long stretches, whether it’s basic training, exercises or courses, it can feel like you’re suddenly handling everything on your own.
From managing the kids, the house, and your own work, it’s a lot. And thankfully, this phase doesn’t last forever.
What helped me? I learned to ask for help early and often. Each location has community groups, and many schools have Defence Mentors – I encourage you to lean into these resources.
Whether it’s family, friends, or other defence partners, you don’t have to do it alone. And remember, it’s okay to have mixed emotions – pride, stress, loneliness – it all comes with the territory.
2. Prepare for a Rollercoaster of Emotions
You’ll be proud, anxious, frustrated, and maybe even a little resentful at times. That’s normal. When my husband first left for training, I felt like I was on an emotional seesaw. One minute, I was so proud of him, and the next, I was overwhelmed and exhausted.
A little tip – don’t keep those feelings bottled up. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling, and connect with others who are going through the same experience. Joining Facebook groups for defence spouses was a game-changer for me. You’ll quickly find you’re not alone in feeling all the feelings.
3. Expect the Unexpected – Literally
Schedules will change. Plans will fall apart. That’s the reality of military life.
Whether it’s a surprise deployment or a last-minute change to training dates, flexibility is going to be your best friend. The sooner you can embrace the unknown, the better off you’ll be.
The silver lining is that military life teaches you to adapt like a pro. You’ll become the master of Plan B, C, and D. It’s not easy, but I promise, you’ll get stronger and more resilient because of it.
4. Community is Everything
One of the most beautiful things about defence life? The community.
Other military families understand the unique challenges you’re facing. When my husband first enlisted, I felt so isolated until I found a local defence spouse group. Suddenly, I had a support system of people who got it. These are the folks who’ll lend a hand when your partner is away or just listen when you need to vent.
Don’t wait to find your village. Whether it’s through a local group or online, building those relationships will make a world of difference.
DMFS have a newsletter for each location, so be sure to sign up to that when you’re prepping to move. Monthly coffee catch ups, local meets, and news on up coming events that will save your sanity.
5. Your Partner Will Change – and So Will You
Military life is going to shape both of you. Your partner will come back from training with new skills, new experiences, and possibly even a new outlook. That can be exciting, but it might also mean you’ll need to adjust and grow together in different ways.
For me, understanding that I was changing too – becoming more independent, learning new skills, juggling more responsibilities – helped me stay connected with my husband. We both had to evolve, but we found a way to do it together.
6. Financial Preparation is Key
One thing I wish I’d known earlier is how important it is to get your finances in order before your partner enlists.
There’s a lot of misconception around money, income and benefits.
There are different pay scales, allowances, and financial changes that come with military life, and it can take a while to figure out. Make sure you sit down, review your budget, and understand the benefits available to you.
Make sure that you’re financially ready for the moves, and potential time that you may be a single income family.
My biggest piece of advice is to get seriously realistic with your budget, and work out how your family can live on around $65k (before tax).
The ADF Pay and Conditions Manual will provide you with the most up to date pay scales and benefits.
It’s also worth looking into what support you can get as a defence family. There are resources out there – from housing assistance to relocation support – that can help lighten the load. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and tap into everything available to you.
7. Self-Care Isn’t Optional
Last, but definitely not least – take care of you. It’s easy to lose yourself in all the changes and responsibilities, but trust me, self-care is critical. Whether it’s a solo coffee run, a hobby, or even just 10 minutes of quiet with a good book, make time for yourself.
It took me a while to learn this, but when you prioritise your own well-being, you’re better equipped to handle the ups and downs of defence life. So, don’t put yourself last – find small ways to recharge regularly.
When your partner enlists, it’s the start of a new chapter for your whole family. It won’t always be easy, but with preparation, community, and a lot of flexibility, you can navigate this journey confidently. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, remember – you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and there’s a whole community of defence families ready to support you.
If you’re looking for more resources, check out my business directory filled with business owned by members in our military families, where you’ll find trusted services and damn good humans that understand your unique needs.
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