When the Days Blur Together: My Journey Through Solo Parenting
Being a defence spouse often involves embracing a fair chunk of solo parenting stints, but it never really gets easier. It’s one of those experiences where it’s same-same-but-different.
Each time my husband heads away for military exercises, a familiar pattern unfolds that pushes the limits of my resilience (I loooathe that word, but it’s kinds what we become..) and resourcefulness. There was a stint early 2025 that was particularly challenging, revealing both my strengths and the subtle strains that come with managing everything alone.
Feeling the Weight of Solo Responsibilities
There’s a peculiar kind of loneliness that creeps in when your partner is not only absent but also seemingly living a parallel life without the daily grind of responsibilities back home. While he was exploring new places, dining out, and enjoying and sharing his adventures, I found myself sinking into a routine that felt a lot like Groundhog Day – every day repeating itself, with little variation except for the school run, which at times felt like my only escape from the house.
The resentment built quietly. It wasn’t just about him missing out on the mundane tasks – it was about the freedom he had, freedom from the daily negotiations with our young humans about everything from dinner choices to bedtime routines.
Battling Anxiety and Embracing Business as a Refuge
My days were not just physically draining; they were mentally taxing too. I constantly had to check my rising anxiety levels, managing OCD side effects that demanded a strict reign. In the whirlwind of solo parenting, my business became my sanctuary. It was where I channelled my focus and energy, not just to distract myself but to build something valuable.
This intense period of solo work led to the creation of a whole new complementary service that marked a significant growth phase for my business. You know that analogy of diamonds are made under pressure? Yeah.. that.
Finding My Balance Through Movement and Community
To cope, I committed to moving my body every day. Whether it was a morning yoga session or a walk at sun down, this physical activity was non-negotiable. It became my daily dose of therapy, clearing my mind and stabilising my mood more effectively than anything else could.
Eating well was another pillar that supported me through the ups and downs. While I could have easily indulged in cinnamon donuts every day, we all know that it probably wouldn’t have helped the sugar crashes.. Nourishing my body became a priority, ensuring that I had the energy to keep up with all the demands of our life.
But what truly held me together was my community. Most of my support network lives interstate, yet their impact was profound. Our Zoom catch-ups, the random messages, they all helped more than they might realise. Locally, being involved in the business community provided another layer of support. Attending events and connecting with others who relied on coffee and shared an unhealthy level of sarcasm made me feel less isolated – and lonely.
Reflections and Growth
This experience, while challenging, was a powerful reminder of my own strength and the incredible support system I have built around me. It taught me more about myself, not just as a defence spouse or a parent, but as an individual with her own passions and potential.
For anyone navigating a similar journey, know that it’s okay to find it tough. It’s okay to feel resentful. But it’s also important to seek out what gives you strength – be it creating or building your business, your health, or your community. These are the pillars that will hold you up when the days seem too repetitive or the nights too long.
This not to diminish the real struggles and challenges we face – there’s enough dismissal and gaslighting out there already. I want to validate how legitimate and significant our feelings are in these moments. I want to remind you that even when the days feel monotonous or overwhelming, you’re not alone in this journey.
