Making and keeping friendships as a Defence partner isn’t as simple as just “putting yourself out there.” When your life is built around constant moves, new locations, and never really knowing how long you’ll stay, friendships become complicated.
Some connections will be instant and deep, while others will be surface-level and fleeting. Some people will get it, and others won’t even try. You’ll meet friends who become family, and you’ll also experience the ache of friendships that fade because distance, time zones, and different life stages make it hard to keep holding on.
And while that can be tough, it’s also okay. Not every friendship is meant to be forever.
But the good ones? They’re worth the effort.
The Different Types of Friendships You’ll Experience
1. The Fast Friends
You meet, you click, you spend a whirlwind few months (or years) together, and then… someone gets posted. These friendships burn bright and fast, sometimes lasting, sometimes not. And while it can hurt when they fade, that doesn’t make them any less real.
2. The On Duty Friends
The people you connect with because your partners are in the same unit, your kids are in the same class, or you’re just in the same place at the same time. They might not be your forever people, but they make life easier while you’re there. And that’s still valuable.
3. The Ones Who Get It
The people who understand Defence life without you needing to explain. They know the emotional toll of deployments, the exhaustion of moving again, and the reality of solo parenting. These friendships are gold because they require no backstory – they just get it.
4. The Long-Haul Friends
The ones who stick. The friendships that survive different locations, time zones, and long gaps between visits. These are rare, but when you find them, hold on tight. They’re the ones who remind you that home isn’t always a place.. it’s people.
The Reality of Making (and Losing) Friends Through Moves
Not Every Friendship Will Last
It’s a hard truth, but not every friend is meant to stay in your life forever. Some people are there for a season, and while that can hurt, it doesn’t mean those friendships weren’t valuable.
Some Moves Will Feel Lonelier Than Others
There will be times when making friends feels easy, and times when it feels like you don’t belong anywhere. That’s normal. Some locations just click, while others feel like you’re constantly on the outside looking in. Give it time, and don’t force connections that don’t feel right.
The bonus of postings is that there is an end date, so you know that it won’t be like this forever.
Quality Over Quantity Always Wins
It’s easy to feel pressure to make friends fast, but real friendships take time. It’s better to have one solid person you can count on than a dozen surface-level friendships that don’t truly support you.
How to Make and Maintain Meaningful Friendships Through Moves
1. Say Yes (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)
It’s tempting to retreat into your own world, especially after a tough move. But saying yes to invitations, events, or meetups (even when you don’t feel like it) gives you a chance to find your people.
2. Accept That Some Friendships Will Fade – And That’s Not Always a Reflection of You
Distance changes things. Some friendships will stay strong despite the gap, and some will naturally drift apart. It’s not personal, it’s just life.
3. Keep in Touch, But Let It Be Easy
Not every friendship needs constant effort to survive. A quick voice note, a funny meme, or a “thinking of you” message can keep long-distance friendships alive without pressure.
4. Find Your Own Way to Build Community
If friendships aren’t happening organically, take the lead. Start a casual coffee catch-up, join an online group for Defence partners, or reach out to someone new. Community doesn’t always come to you – you sometimes have to create it.
Making friends when you’re always moving is hard. You’ll say a lot of goodbyes, and not every place will feel like home. But somewhere in the mix, you’ll find people who truly matter, the ones who stay, no matter where life takes you.
And those friendships? They make all the hard parts worth it.
