Military life is demanding, and it’s easy to get lost in the routine of postings, deployments, and supporting your partner’s career.

But you are more than just a military spouse. You are a person with your own ambitions, interests, and strengths.

Reclaiming your identity doesn’t mean rejecting military life – it means making space for yourself within it. Whether that’s through career goals, hobbies, volunteering, or getting involved in your community, there are ways to prioritise yourself alongside the realities of Defence life.

Why It’s Easy to Lose Yourself in Military Life

We carry a lot of weight on our shoulders. From the constant relocations to unpredictable schedules, military life asks a lot of spouses.

You might put your career on hold, take on more responsibilities at home, or find yourself in a cycle of adapting to new places and people – especially if you are relocating every 2-3 years. Over time, it can feel like your identity revolves entirely around being “the spouse of” rather than your own person.

But you deserve more than that.

Ways to Reclaim Your Identity

1. Pursue Your Own Goals

Whether it’s a career, study, or tapping into something creative, investing in something that’s yours is key to maintaining a sense of self. Remote work, online learning, and entrepreneurship offer flexibility within the challenges of military life.

2. Reconnect with Your Interests

What excites you outside of the military world? Art, fitness, writing, travel? Even small commitments – like joining a book club, taking an online course, or picking up an old hobby – help reinforce who you are beyond your role at home. It keeps your brain and your soul feeling calmer, connected and invigorated.

3. Build Your Own Community

Military friendships are invaluable, but seeking connections outside of Defence circles helps expand your identity. Find groups related to your passions, network with professionals in your field, or engage in local communities to establish friendships that exist beyond postings.

The absolute best thing that has come from being self-employed has been business networking events. Many times I’ve been to meet ups and there are new faces, with people wanting to get out of the ‘same 4 walls’ grind and connect with others.

4. Define Success on Your Terms

Military life may mean adjusting traditional career paths, but success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Whether it’s running a business, freelancing, volunteering, or finding purpose in a personal project, what matters is that it feels fulfilling to you.

Embracing Your Whole Identity

Being a military spouse is part of your story, but it’s not the only chapter. You are a person with dreams, talents, and ambitions – ones that deserve to be pursued, nurtured, and celebrated.

Prioritising yourself doesn’t mean neglecting your family or military life. It means recognising that your identity matters too.

So, what’s one small step you can take today to reconnect with who you are?